The Real Secret to Getting Things Done? It’s Not Hustle. It’s Compassion.
As someone who values both rest and results (and sees rest as deeply productive), I’m still taken aback by how much resistance there is to the idea of self-compassion.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that being hard on ourselves is the only way to stay motivated. That “tough love” drives discipline. That if we ease up, we’ll fall behind.
But psychological research (and my real-life experience of using tough love for too long) tells a much different story.
Self-compassion, according to Dr. Kristin Neff, doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook. It means responding to setbacks with kindness, curiosity, and a commitment to growth. Studies show that individuals who practice self-compassion are more motivated, less likely to procrastinate, and more resilient after failure than those who rely on harsh self-criticism (Neff, 2003; Breines & Chen, 2012).
In fact, people who are kind to themselves tend to set higher personal standards AND are more likely to meet them than those who shame themselves into action.
It’s not just for deep emotional healing either. Compassion helps us follow through with care tasks (cleaning, cooking, laundry), parenting, creative work, and even high-performance goals. It strengthens follow-through because it softens the fear of failure.
Yes, tough love can work but mostly in the short term. Long-term change requires emotional safety. And self-compassion builds that safety from the inside out.
So the next time you feel like the only way forward is to push harder, ask yourself this:
What if being kinder is what gets me further?
Sources:
Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.
Breines, J. G., & Chen, S. (2012). Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(9), 1133–1143.
Zessin, U., Dickhäuser, O., & Garbade, S. (2015). The relationship between self-compassion and well-being: A meta-analysis. Applied Psychology: Health and Well‐Being, 7(3), 340–364.