Every day we are faced with choices. Do I stay in my comfort zone or do I stretch into something new? Comfort feels safe, but over time, it can quietly shrink our lives. Growth almost always comes with a dose of discomfort, whether that is awkwardness, fear, effort, or uncertainty.
As a psychologist who specializes in anxiety, I see this tension every day. Anxiety urges us to avoid what feels hard. It whispers, stay small, stay safe, stay certain. But avoiding discomfort also means avoiding the very things that make life meaningful: love, connection, adventure, purpose.
This is where exposure therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) come in. ACT teaches us that discomfort is not the enemy, but rather part of living in alignment with our values (Hayes, Strosahl, & Wilson, 1999). In exposure, we practice leaning into unease on purpose so our world does not keep shrinking. In ACT, we remember that values, what matters most to us, often live on the other side of discomfort.
It is important to name the healthy middle ground. You do not deserve to be tormented by overwhelming stress or fear. But if we try to avoid all discomfort, we get stuck. The goal is not to eliminate unease, but to learn to carry just enough of it with us as we move toward what matters.
Choosing a meaningful life also means choosing discomfort. Not because suffering is noble, but because love, growth, and fulfillment will always ask us to stretch. And in that stretching, messy and imperfect and human, we find the life that feels most alive.
Reference
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change. Guilford Press.