Responding to Bids for Attention: A guide

Responding to Bids for Attention: A guide

Nov 10, 2023

Nov 10, 2023

couples
couples

By Dr. Holly Batchelder

The concept of 'Bids for Attention' in relationships has recently gained significant traction, partly thanks to the viral 'bird test' on TikTok, with the hashtag #birdtest accruing over 6 million views. This test is a relatable and straightforward illustration of how we respond to our partner's attempts at connection. As the conversation around these bids grows, it becomes increasingly clear how pivotal they are in shaping our relationships. Now that we're tuned into the importance of these moments, let's dive into some tips on how to effectively respond to them.

Understanding Bids for Attention

A Bid for Attention is any effort by one partner to create a moment of connection, whether through words, actions, or even a simple gesture. Recognized in the Gottman Method, these bids are the subtle yet powerful exchanges that weave the fabric of intimacy and trust in a relationship.

The Impact of Responding: How we answer these bids – with interest, indifference, or dismissal – can significantly influence the health of our partnership. Positive engagement with these bids not only strengthens our bond but also fosters a deep sense of being valued and understood.

Strategies for Engagement
  1. Recognize the Bid: Stay alert to your partner's attempts at connection, no matter how small.

  2. Choose to Engage: Actively decide to respond with interest and empathy to your partner’s bids.

  3. Encourage Open Dialogue: Create an environment where both partners feel safe and encouraged to express their needs and desires.

Conclusion

Bids for Attention are the heartbeats of our relationships. By recognizing and responding to these bids, we nurture the connection and deepen the bond with our partner. It's in these seemingly insignificant moments that the strength and resilience of our love grows.

References

Bakeman, R., & Gottman, J. M. (1997). Observing interaction: An introduction to sequential analysis. Cambridge university press.

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Disclaimer

This website serves informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional psychological advice. Engaging with the content here does not establish a doctor-patient relationship with Holly Batchelder, PhD. For any specific concerns, consult a qualified healthcare provider. Electronic communications with Holly Batchelder, PhD, are not considered privileged doctor-patient interactions. Holly Batchelder, PhD, PLLC © Copyright. All Rights Reserved.

© Holly Batchelder, PhD PLLC

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Proud Member of TherapyDen

Serving PSYPACT states via telehealth

Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming.

Disclaimer

This website serves informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional psychological advice. Engaging with the content here does not establish a doctor-patient relationship with Holly Batchelder, PhD. For any specific concerns, consult a qualified healthcare provider. Electronic communications with Holly Batchelder, PhD, are not considered privileged doctor-patient interactions. Holly Batchelder, PhD, PLLC © Copyright. All Rights Reserved.

© Holly Batchelder, PhD PLLC

Online Therapy
Proud Member of TherapyDen

Serving PSYPACT states via telehealth

Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming.

Disclaimer

This website serves informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional psychological advice. Engaging with the content here does not establish a doctor-patient relationship with Holly Batchelder, PhD. For any specific concerns, consult a qualified healthcare provider. Electronic communications with Holly Batchelder, PhD, are not considered privileged doctor-patient interactions. Holly Batchelder, PhD, PLLC © Copyright. All Rights Reserved.

© Holly Batchelder, PhD PLLC