By Dr. Holly Batchelder
The concept of 'Bids for Attention' in relationships has recently gained significant traction, partly thanks to the viral 'bird test' on TikTok, with the hashtag #birdtest accruing over 6 million views. This test is a relatable and straightforward illustration of how we respond to our partner's attempts at connection. As the conversation around these bids grows, it becomes increasingly clear how pivotal they are in shaping our relationships. Now that we're tuned into the importance of these moments, let's dive into some tips on how to effectively respond to them.
Understanding Bids for Attention
A Bid for Attention is any effort by one partner to create a moment of connection, whether through words, actions, or even a simple gesture. Recognized in the Gottman Method, these bids are the subtle yet powerful exchanges that weave the fabric of intimacy and trust in a relationship.
The Impact of Responding: How we answer these bids – with interest, indifference, or dismissal – can significantly influence the health of our partnership. Positive engagement with these bids not only strengthens our bond but also fosters a deep sense of being valued and understood.
Strategies for Engagement
Recognize the Bid: Stay alert to your partner's attempts at connection, no matter how small.
Choose to Engage: Actively decide to respond with interest and empathy to your partner’s bids.
Encourage Open Dialogue: Create an environment where both partners feel safe and encouraged to express their needs and desires.
Conclusion
Bids for Attention are the heartbeats of our relationships. By recognizing and responding to these bids, we nurture the connection and deepen the bond with our partner. It's in these seemingly insignificant moments that the strength and resilience of our love grows.
References
Bakeman, R., & Gottman, J. M. (1997). Observing interaction: An introduction to sequential analysis. Cambridge university press.